Fuck Stupid Animals

Here is a list of the 10 most annoying and stupid creatures we put up with on this planet.

Fuck Bees: I may hate these critters, but apparently we got to have them. Except those africanized ones who love over-protecting their hives from danger and can kill humans. I guess we just kind of forget about them because after they escaped the science labs they chose to populate areas that don’t effect many people. At least not populate areas where many people are aware of their existence. There has to be a way to eliminate all bees, but not kill off the wonderful flowers of the world. Apparently a third of the honey bee population died last spring and populations are decreasing for unknown reasons…good work!

Fuck Koala Bears: I’m on to you koalas. I know your always scheming up there in the trees looking like cute teddy bears and ewoks. Little do we know they are cracked out of their minds and tripping balls from eating eucalyptus leaves all day waiting to strike the next human that tries to pet its soft cuddly fur. Munching away thinking about how someday they will take over Australia by shear brute force and start a blood bath with their scary sharp claws. Then again they are so high they are not moving anywhere, so we remain safe for now from the hippie koalas. Besides they have tiny walnut sized brains, eat poop, and have to take on a fake persona of being a bear when really they aren’t. Give it up koala bears, I’m on to you. I can see past that tough fake cuddly cute exterior and will expose you for the stupid stoner critters you really are.

Fuck Panda Bears: They look so fake and are so dumb they just can’t be real. Long ago a black bear mistakenly fucked a polar bear and now we have stupid pandas lounging around looking for ways to make themselves more extinct. They don’t even like to have sex so they can barely reproduce on their own, basically solidifying their spot on the endangered species list and destined for extinction. Ok, I think I’m going to side with Stephen Colbert and just say fuck bears!

Fuck Horses: Such massive creatures and so powerful yet so delicate that if they break a leg or anything they are nearly done for and destined for the glue factory. Also I don’t like how it is so rare to see a wild horse and are notorious for being mankind’s permanent bitch salves.  They are not pets either so stop pretending they are. You wouldn’t take your dog and cat out to go ride on their backs. No you take them for a walk. Pets are not ridden. Fuck unicorns too, they are just gay horses with boners on their forehead. No wonder why women love them so much.

Fuck Snakes: Especially ones that make it onto a plane and Ive had it with those mother fucking snakes wherever they might be. Slimy, slithery creatures that hide in tall grass. At least rattle snakes will worn you if you happen to be walking by and pissing them off. They are relatively blind, but have sharp ass teeth and poisonous venom. What a cruel trick to play on anyone or anything that is around them. Imagine being blind and having a pistol instead of a mouth. Now go lay in the grass and well see if anyone happens to enjoy having you around.

Fuck Bald Eagles: Sure its our country’s mascot or whatever, but I think whoever decided that never has heard a bald eagle shriek. They are endangered, but eagles and just like hawks or falcons are quite bad ass predators of the flying world. If they don’t find a way to cut out their persistent racket before enough people start noticing they will make a quick fall from grace. Go to Alaska and hang out with them in the areas they like to be themselves. They just make a mess everywhere and cry out like screaming children. It’s time we stop babying them and tell them to grow up. Just because they are bald doesn’t make them mature. I wish I could share with you how they sound, but apparently anti bald eagle propaganda is hard to find.

Fuck Moles/Gophers: Always digging and making holes in yards. Again, yes they can be cute, but they are destructive, a menace, and difficult to get rid of. Some businesses dedicate themselves to eliminating an entire plethora of insect infestations while other companies can focus just on gophers/moles because that is just how menacing they are.

Fuck Raccoons: First of all they appear to be dressed like bandits or thieves with their black mask and only doing their bidding at night. They rummage through your trash like hobos, but are feistier and carry rabies and more diseases than street walkers. So they look kind of cool, but still are very unnecessary and useless. Here is a wonderful story of someone who actually thought a raccoon could be a good pet.

Fuck Crows: These guys are like urban vultures or the raccoons of the sky or hobos with wings. Basically, they suck and do nothing productive to anyone or anything. We have to build fake people just to scare them away from their teenage antics of looting, destruction, and terrorizing. Plus I’m pretty sure sometimes they are doing a little name calling as well with their annoying sqwaks. Just like bald eagles, they need to grow up.

Fuck Humans: We have come a long way, but there are always those times when we are just as stupid as the rest of the animal kingdom. Except we are more aware of how stupid we are being, which makes us the worst offenders.

You decide which is the stupidest and most worthless creature:

Fuck Fox News

This just in. Breaking news. FOX News is a piece of shit. They know they suck, but seemingly enjoy continuing to push further away from reality and balanced reporting to thrust their authoratatvie bullshit mockery of news directly to our faces. The next 4+ years will just be them bitching and trying to find a slight fault in an already terrible mess we are in while denying all fault from the last 8 years. How they honestly thought a dinosaur teamed up with a ditsy out of touch power hungry balless bulldog could run our country is mind numbingly insane. Not to mention the hopeful first lady to be who was basically bought from a Toys R Us store and thrusted into real life from right out of a Malibu Barbie box, complete with millions of dollars and and the Malibu Barbie House set. At least while America struggles to find its identity amid this colossal mess we get to listen to the wonderful reporting stylings of the FOX News gang, giving us their wonderful take on everything.

Oh, Faux News. No wonder why the French don’t take us seriously and criticize everything we do. This is the crap they get streaming to their TV screens and what they think of when they describe America. Fake, over-hyped, fear-mongering, agenda-driven lies and twisting of words. They love to drag out the scariest most over-blown stories for as long as they can to get ratings and spark a cause for concern in people to instill a need of staying glued to the television 24/7 to learn more about nonsensical banter. Then when the story finally has been blown out of proportion and has served their agenda or lost edginess they move on to the next trivial subject. Fair and balanced???!!!! More like, “What I tell you is right and one sided so believe it no matter what I say.” Just drop the act already and I hate to sound so liberal, but you’re all a fucking joke!

Okay, I want to start the bashing with the king of bashing and talking over anybody who happens to disagree…Bill O’Reilly. Here is what you can expect from him on a daily basis (O’Reilly Talking “Points”). You have to love the use of non-cited, obviously well spun statistics to prove a very lame point and then follow it up with trashing somebody over unproven allegations. Here is a fun excerpt, “The president is a sincere man. I believe that. But I do not believe he truly understands evil, and his liberal policies will have a very hard time containing it. Wait and see.” Yes Bill, I know what you mean, it takes someone evil to truly understand evil, like yourself. Even if you say Bush understood evil he was still far too dumb to heed caution and do anything about it. Here is one of the many times Bill O’Reilly has been caught bending truth and got called out (O’Reilly uses Nazi propaganda to defend torture, attack Obama). I could go on and on with Bill, but I don’t want to leave out some of the other wonderful supporting cast at FOX News.

Rupert Murdoch, the kingpin crook behind it all. He wants the Internet to cost more money to consumers and is constantly on record speaking out against the trend of free news because it threatens one of his many enterprises. He actually thinks it is wise to make people pay almost 200 a year to view the wall street journal online only because a little iPhone app has sparked interest and he wants to find a way to profit. I’ll just not mention how he has been pushing his conservative agenda through the FOX News media outlet and will move on continuing to ignore him and his billions of dollars. He’s a good example of money not buying happiness.

Then if you really have no life and are lame as shit you will tune in for FOX After Dark and listen to the stupidest people talk about nothing until your brain wants to explode and drift off to a wonderful slumber full of dreams infected by swine flu, terrorists, waterboarding, and excessive trash.

Don’t get me wrong. Other channels have their faults too. CNN has Nancy Grace (how has FOX not stolen her yet is amazing), MSNBC has the need to always bash everyone and pick fights, BET is infatuated with everything Obama (understandably so), and Comedy Central loves making fun of everyone and everything on the Daily Show and Colbert Report. But if you really want to find some news I still don’t know how you can rely on FOX. Sean Hannity is a tool and I gotta give props to Alan Colmes for somehow sticking in there so long. You cna tell Colmes has taken a beating with his skeleton like figure he has basically been sucked dry of all life from being on that show for 13 years! Alan remains the only bit of support to FOX’s claim of fairness and balance. Glen Beck actually thinks he is helping the nation and his lies are beneficial and acceptable becuase they have seemingly good intentions. He is the sleeper in the group and is really their sharpest tool for pushing their conservative propoganda. Greta van Susteren is just plain ugly. I can’t even stand to watch her let alone try to listen to her. Geraldo Rivera is a joke and has gone on for far too long. He can somehow take both a liberal and a conservative take yet always appear and sound like a made up cartoon character.

The only source for news is the internet, after you can sort through the filth of course. Maybe I should just use the Onion for my news from now on. I am not attacking FOX News purely becuase of liberal vs conservative here. This is a matter of outright biased vs non biased or steaming pile of shit vs something with a hint of solid information. I can only hope in time FOX News will eventually collapse their own tent, tip their canoe, and be left stranded, unwatched, and outcasted. I challenge all of you to try and rely on FOX News for your information for an entire week (if you can last that long) and see if you don’t feel the same way I do.

Fuck It Top 10 Rejections

Here are 10 topics I considered writing on and then quickly decided to not go forward with. And here is why…

Fuck Mothers: This one could get too confusing as people will think I’m talking about MILFs. Plus it was just mothers day and mothers do so much for us. We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for a mom in a sense so overlooking all the embarrassing, guilt tripping, disappointing, angering, distracting, annoying moments I’m going to let them off the hook.

Fuck Lawyers: Too cliche. They take all your money just because they can speak a made up language that involves many years of schooling and apprenticeship. They waste a lot of their time preparing and studying so they can waste a lot of our money and tax payers money to battle in nerdy debates over peoples lives. They love power and in a sick way they are able to get a lot of it. I could go on forever about all the harm they do, but in the end there’s no doubt about it that if or when I get in trouble I’m going to be calling one up for help.

Fuck Politicians: Also cliche. Behind all the lies, deceit, tricks, illegalities, affairs, black mail, embezzling, and stealing I like to think their is a glimmer of good intention. They also beat the hell out of just about any dictatorship. Someday good politicians will prevail over the bad ones so I’d like to hold out for hope and not count them out just yet.

Fuck Budweiser: Somehow the most idealized beer of Americans sold out to a European beverage distributor making many people wonder why they were drinking this shit to begin with. Besides bud light, Budweiser has to be the most commonly consumed shittiest drink in the history of civilization. A special thanks to mass production, mass marketing, and consumers all over for keeping such a terrible beverage alive for so long. They did have some good commercials over the years so I will still hold them close at heart. Just do me a favor next time you order a beer/pitcher to think over the decision before you switch off your brain and blurt the first thing that comes to your mind and utter the words I’m sure many people are sick of hearing, “Budweiser please”.

Fuck My Life: Thank you social networking for more than covering this topic in so many ways imagineable. www.fmylife.com

Fuck the Yankees: Seriously, anyone who wears their hat just wants anyone around them to know they are the biggest douche bag in the vicinity. Then if they so choose they often pop their collar to seal the deal and extinguish any doubt. What a group of high class, good character individuals who love the game they play. A-Rod looks great in pinstripes by the way. He would also look good behind bars in another kind of pinstripes. I’m sick of hearing aobut Derek Jeter too! He has to be the most over rated player on any team and it just so happens he has that distinction on the most over rated team. We all get it. You can buy anyone you want. Bravo, now good luck buying that championship.

Fuck Mondays: A weak and lame start to every week. Too hard to focus after having a good time away fromwork and all you really want is it to be the weekend again. Too bad this day is the furthest from such a wonderful thought. Unfortunately Mondays come and go and to my knowledge are unavoidable. So I will just have to live with it and try to ignore my hate for them every week.

Fuck Oklahoma Thunder. First the Sonics is a way better name. You should have kept the name, struck a deal with your local headquartered Sonic fast food chain company and made it rich. Instead you create a non-competitive team and pretend to belong in the NBA game after game as you squeak off victories from lazy underestimiating opponents. I’m still bitter, and now that I think about it, I’m not okay with Super Bowl XL’s outcome either so fuck the Steelers too! See now I just sound like a bitter Seattle Sports Fan, which is still better than the “stupidly optimistic” and/or “hey look this team is winning so I should join in on the bandwagon so I can watch them lose again” Seattle Sports Fans.

Fuck Racism: It’s 2009, if you got something to say about another race you better make sure its funny otherwise you will sound retarded. Not only does it have to be funny, but it needs to be creative and not involve the over-used sterotypes we have all become so aware of. We do live in a world that seems like racism will never fully be abolished so here’s my attempt at some change. Ok now I’m thru.

Fuck Top 10 Lists: I know, there I go self hating, but really someone can make a top 10 list for anything. Maybe its time to do away with the lists. Then I decided I wanted to do a top 10 list so I guess this rant had to be rejected.

I’m sure there will be many more that will come to mind in the future, but for now these 10 items will be safe from ridicule.

Poetry Corner: The Cool Side of the Pillow

Summer is showing signs of arrival and I recently had a brief discussion on this matter so I felt now was a good time to dig out this poem and share.

The Cool Side Of The Pillow
By Yours Truly -8/22/2008

All my life I strive to be
Such a childish unreachable goal
Most people I hope would agree
With what I wish to be serves such an important role

When deeply concentrated under a soothing slumber
Suddenly awaken by a consuming billow
I always pause then wonder
Now I must flip over to the cool side of the pillow

The other side so peaceful and undisturbed
It doesn’t get enough credit it does deserve
When I speak of my ideal dreamy state people are perturbed
For that other side somehow is always able to find a way to preserve

A change of pace
A cool calming breeze
Soothing to the touch of my face
Allowing me to go back to sleep with ease

When used up it is hard to once again revive
Not often appreciated and yet always used as an advantage
But without it the night can be hard to survive
Or at least seemingly difficult to manage

For when it has worked you are fast asleep
It serves its purpose and you don’t often realize
Or maybe just wasting away counting sheep
Dreaming in the world of creative thought you may idealize

So just for a moment but not too long
Think of how you are forever in debt
For that side of the pillow has never done you wrong
And never made you upset

Poetry Corner: Stop the Downfall

Here’s a little ditty from the past I’ve decided to dig up…

Stop The Downfall
By Yours Truly

Bad mortgages that no one would want
Our enemies still out there to taunt
What do we possess that we must flaunt

A mess we have made in the Middle East
We are viewed by foreigners as some beast
We have no universal health care for ourselves to say the least

CEOs get away with driving corporations to the ground
Passing massive legislation that is unsound
Still can’t find Bin Laden hiding underground

Wall Street tumbles with no means for credit help in sight
Offshore drilling for the wrong reasons still given the green light
No pity for the unemployed or their unending plight

Science not progressing with our education systems failing
Congress continues to find unhelpful ways for economic bailing
America is no longer a superpower and now we are trailing

Climate change continues and we offer no solution
Our oil based economy and transportation continue to increase pollution
Those who lost pensions and savings are offered no retribution

School shootings everywhere and crime still fills our streets
Tax cuts given only to those few rich elites
Families and businesses struggle to make ends meets

Bush and Cheney have lead us to our demise
Taking all from our wallets to feed their global war enterprise
Together we can make a stand and find a way to rise

Our dependence on foreign oil is taking its toll
All the creditors are hanging on to their own bankroll
All eyes are glued to see who or what is favored in the most recent poll

We are the last developed nation to start going green
The housing industry is dropping and the banks decisions were not so keen
Who knows what more pitfalls are ahead and unseen

What to do with our stockpile and endless technology of nuclear fission
Voting has ended and now we must make the right decision
Lets face all of our faults to come together and make America our mission

FU – Fuck Updates #1

Taking a look back on previous posts to update you with the latest…

Pennies - Its been a month, and I have accumulated at least 25 cents worth in pennies. Don’t cross me because I am now equipped with fake copper ammunition.

Pot Prohibition - This topic is dieing down. People are settling for just getting stoned and satisfying their munchies instead. The legislative process is too slow and distracting to even pay attention to anymore. 420 has gone by and I’m sure this whole thing will get moved to the back burner. Although the radicals down south have once again passed legislation in the Mexican Senate to legalize small quantities of various drugs. Yay for them.

Kim Jong-il - Oh he’s only kicked out the UN nuclear watch dogs and started up his nuclear weapons program. No big deal, we would still rather bitch about Iran trying to solve their energy crisis instead. Not sure who is scarier with a nuclear warhead. N. Korea or Iran? Oh and the Taliban are pushing through Pakistan. Who knows maybe the Taliban will win the race in true underdog fashion. It can happen, some 50-1 long shot won the Kentucky Derby recently. Speaking of jockeys, Kim Jong-il is 5-3 and has a girls name.

Spam - Gmail has pretty much solved my spam problem. Although its still out there. Everywhere, and still very unsettling.

Twitter - I have come to the sad realization that I may in fact have to start twittering. Very very sad. Apple is in talks of buying this useless non-money making company. Not exactly sure what they plan on doing with it. Maybe they will shorten the name to Twit because spending $700 million to acquire it would be completely stupid.

Vampires - They are everywhere!!! I guess they didn’t get the memo to stay in their castles for fear of the contagious swine flu.

Swine Flu -Sorry, I guess I can’t call it that anymore. H1N1 virus worldwide  has over 1750 confirmed cases, and 44 confirmed deaths (42in Mexico, 2 in the US, a 22-month old Mexican child and a 33 year old Texan woman). 21 countries have confirmed cases and the threat level has been raised to just a notch below pandemic.  Meanwhile 13,000 people have died of regular influenza so far this year (almost entirely all elderly). Yeah that’s right, almost 10x more people have died from influenza this year than the number of confirmed cases of swine flu. Better get your vaccinations for the latest flu craze. I heard some mad cows have started fooling around with some suspected swine flu carrying pigs. Close down the schools and businesses. EVERYBODY PANIC!

Sneak peak for this week and month: Topics will include the media, sports, celebrities, corporations, gaming and of course any current events. Feliz cinco de mayo!

Fuck Religion

Throughout history there has been a need for mankind to group and come together as a society based on religious beliefs. Now that the world is ever more transparent and interconnected, do religious groupings still make sense and benefit society?

This may not be a popular opinion, but maybe with something called reason I can make my point before you hate on me. First off, Christians make up one third of the world’s population (and 76% of the US), with Islam being one fifth, Hinduism at 13%, East Asian Religions (Buddhism, Chinese Folk, Shinto, Taoism, Confucianism, etc.) at 13%, indigenous tribal religions at 4%, and a few others coming in at less than half a percent each such as Judaism, Rastafarianism, Scientology among others. That leaves 14% to atheism or non-theist, aka people going to hell.

Christians, Muslims, and Jews all believe in the same god. All three have rich histories and present day occurrences of war, murder, conflict, and squabbles between each other. Religious wars go against all morals the religion stands for and when loosely translated or manipulated it is reworked to make murder okay as long as it is pagan, non-believer, infidel blood that is spilled. Society uses religion as a huge basis for culture and dictates how people run their lives now and throughout human history. Whether it has been one god, many gods, or a godly tyrant ruling under god’s guidance, religion has been present in all previous empires and thriving civilizations. Now all such empires have fallen. There has to be another way.

It is also very ironic just how religions spread. Take Christianity for example. Jesus was a Jewish prophet who escaped death as a baby and came to the holy land of Jerusalem following the very same path many had foretold. Romans did not take kindly to the anti-Roman sentiment he was spreading and the Jews in desperate need of a leader instead turned their backs on Jesus. The Romans made an example out of Jesus to quell his rebellious teachings. The Jews would later stand up to the Romans and fight for their freedom and Jesus’ teachings would spread throughout the region thanks in large part to the forming of the Catholic church in, you guessed it, Rome. Quite ironic how religions evolve and double ironic for me using the word evolution to describe religion.

Judaism is the basis for the two major religions of the world yet only accounts for barely 1% of the world’s population itself. Irony once again with how successful these spin off religions became and how Judaism suffers through the ages. Just proves there is no one true religion and to really believe there can be multiple religions out there and have them all be true is insane. How do we know what is real when the stories we choose to base our life around are 2,000 to 6,000 years old. Then the religions that are about 100 years old and very well documented just seem so outrageous and ridiculous (Scientology) that there is no way people can stand behind it either. 2000 years from now maybe Scientology will be the dominant religion. I bet if each person went back in time and knew the real story of how their religion started they would most likely come back to the present as non-believers.

Religions spread on faith, corruption, and exploitation. Prophets come and go, some are revered, others cast away from society. Genocide always finds a way to blemish our history whether its the Crusades, Holocaust, Jihad or any holy war, killing is conceived as how “god” intended it. Often misconceptions of others and your own religion leads to bias and unfriendly views toward other groups of people just because we choose to be ignorant.

Religion has failed society in trying to make life here better. Clearly religion was created long ago as a way to control populations from getting out of hand and strive to make the quality of life slightly better with the harsh realities of death and suffering surrounding you wherever you go. In modern times we have used science, technology, and historical understanding to improve the quality of life and get a better understanding of human life in general. We don’t have an answer for why we are here and can’t find an answer to why we choose blind faith instead of scientific reason. We must all accept one another on this planet as humans and not classify one another as different, less equal or as an enemy based off of history or a different set of morals/beliefs. There is no way each individual can forget about their specific past and their ancestors past so to forget history is not what I am saying we need to do. All I am saying is we must accept one another on a human level and build toward a better future. Instead religion reminds us of a bigger picture of hate and falsehoods that distracts us from the now.

Personally I must reason with the lack of evidence and omitting scientific fact when I enstill my faith in science. We are lucky to be here, and our Earth we continually realize every year is ever so more unique. Let’s keep it unique and try to come together and unite in our unavoidavle globalist future. Keep religion to a celebration of the past and not a means of segmentation for the present. We do need to come together as one and religion has proven time and time again to not be the answer.

Fuck Swine Flu

Stupid human hysteria and the fear mongering media has blown this shit up making it into something it isn’t even close to becoming. Thanks again media for all the wonderful things you do!

Countries killing off entire pig populations, closing ports, quarantining populations, implementing thermal scanners, banning pork products, canceling public gatherings and closing businesses. Really???!!! This is treatable! I’m okay with implementing a few border patrol cautions to keep the disease out and treat those who have been infected, but lets not take this too far. The virus is treated by two common and prevalent drugs with vaccines being made as we speak.

Its a virus, and like all viruses they learn to adapt to their environment to continue spreading. This isn’t anything new, it has been doing this for years and has been dormant for about 90 years.  Don’t forget, this is just a flu, albeit a new strain of it. Who dies from influenza? Old people and those who are ill or have severely weak immune and respiratory systems. Common seasonal influenza is so overwhelmingly more dangerous killing anywhere from 250,000 to 500,000 people worldwide a year. Here we are panicking about a couple hundred confirmed cases and a handful of deaths. Last time I checked, 90 years ago we were probably treating influenza by chopping off limbs. I think we have gone a long way in treating influenza and have no need to panic.

Sure its a virus and is able to spread to some far reaches of the world, but only because it was relatively unknown. Now that it is known and not really doing anything I think we can give it a rest.

Its a respiratory or airborne virus and indigestible so stop being afraid of eating pork products. Go ahead and fly down to Mexico, order that pork burrito and scarf it down in peace. Just don’t drink the water!

I think its funny how the real victims in all of this is pigs…filthy, disgustingly good tasting pigs…yum….bacon…nom nom nom

Fuck Vampires

Stop romanticizing vampires! Our pop culture is being flooded with vampire nonsense. I think we have forgotten what vampires were based off of. Have you ever heard of Vlad Dracula? Also known as Vlad the Impaler. The word impale doesn’t nearly do justice in itself for just how horrific of an act it really is. Imagine being spread eagle and having a large spear stabbed through your anus or genitals all the way through to your mouth. Yeah this guy Vlad loved doing that, oh and occasionally he liked drinking some of his victim’s blood. Even with his brutal and violent methods, he is actually considered a hero to the Romanians for his noble stand against the invading Turks. So now that you know where Dracula comes from, lets try to indulge humanity’s love for vampires since the nineteenth century leading to current day view towards vampires of sex and glamorizing death?

Vampire movies started with Nosferatu & Dracula being the big attractions and grew with similar remakes and renditions until we hit the last 15 years or so when this theme has bursted into many different directions. Movies such as John Carpenter’s Vampires & Interview with the Vampire has grown the segment and built a diverse fan base leading to a flood of new takes on vampires. Buffy the Vampire Slayer puts hunting and sexiness to the screen with the Blade series doing the same on the other end of the gender spectrum.

From the depths of retarded and redundant comes the likes of the trio of cinematic busts of Underworld and the over-hyped disappointment of Van Helsing. Now we come to the Twilight series which targets the teenage girl and lonely housewife segment. It is essentially softcore emo porn for the Hannah Montana Generation. HBO has jumped on board and created the True Blood series by giving vampires a southern twist. Even Stephen King saw it necessary to jump on this genre with Salem’s Lot. A whole new list of crap is now being rolled out to the tune of chick-lit and vampire eroticism, which I can’t even pretend to be able to keep up with.

We get the point! They want to suck your blood. There is no such thing as a vampire first of all and second even if there was, I’m sick of the idea that there are good ones out there who are trying to protect humans. I blame Sesame Street for making children love vampires, thanks to Count von Count and his wonderful stylings of mathematical song and dance.

Can we please bring something new to the table in the realm of scary horror literature and movies? Enough with the vampires. Even General Mills has taken the hint and discontinued their Count Chocula brand last year. Let’s hope others are soon to follow…

Fuck Twitter

Twitter sucks. It won’t make any money and doesn’t have nearly the same features as other social networking giants. Why use Twitter to do a tiny piece of what Facebook can do? Its a tiny piece of Facebook with so little upside and growth potential. It is mass text messaging and subscribing to listen to other people stream gibberish. Facebook does more and is already addicting enough with the same text updates along with every social networking need you may have. Twitter is just internet text messaging in a more personal lay out as opposed to FaceBook, MySpace or chat rooms.

Here is why Twitter thinks their service is relevant according to their website…

• Eating soup? Research shows that moms want to know.
• Running late to a meeting? Your co–workers might find that useful.
• Partying? Your friends may want to join you.

Send a text message! Use your phone! If your that lazy post it on Facebook! And for each relevant post where you maybe care, there are the 10 other ones of people saying they are going to the gym, walking their dog, eating dinner or doing the many thousands of things you don’t give a shit about. Sorry, but I already have Facebook to tell me useless crap like when your eating a tuna sandwich. Sure you can decide to stop receiving updates at anytime from someone, but with better social networking sites you can venture into their vast profile and collection of interests and messages to find out more about a person, topic, company. I like that way as opposed to getting fed mini 165 character tidbit tweets one at a time as someone else sees relevant.

Will a twat or tweet (sorry I’m not in with all the lingo) really affect your day? Its all information you can find anywhere else. Plus soon Twitter will start looking for ways to make money, and my guess is no one is going to like it.

With all that said, I did sign up for twitter when I was drunk about a month ago. Think my name is like twiddleedee or something, I dunno, I never posted anything. And like all drunken mistakes I will discard them from my mind and never speak of it again. So don’t remind me!

In conclusion, Twitter can’t be good if the most popular person on it is Ashton Kutcher. Need I say more?